EXCERPT No. 1:
All of the ooze-streaked criminals were dreamily uttering their secrets – some of the things they had to say were truly appalling. Secrets of violence, sexual abuse, greed, deception and more, more, more.
Mom was there, too, in her transport chair. Her seat in this small vehicle could be raised, so she could look a standing person in the eye. I imagine the prospect of viewing one of those big lumps up close had been too tempting to resist. She was rubbing one of those lumps as it coated her with slick yellow goo.
I didn’t want to hear her secrets. I didn’t. I tried to concentrate on what the others were saying. But still, I heard some of her words – I couldn’t help it – and what I heard included this:
“He’s not really my son. I bought him for cheap when he was a baby, from some poor woman who used to run errands for me. She died a long time ago.”
— Excerpt from the story, “Tell Your Secrets to the Slime,” in BEACH BLANKET ZOMBIE, available as a paperback or on Kindle. Here’s the Amazon.com Kindle link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0091X6XTO
It’s also available on Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Beach-Blanket-Zombie-Humanoid-ebook/dp/B0091X6XTO
————————-
EXCERPT No. 2:
This direct-to-video horror movie is a complete mish-mash. A sixtyish voodoo queen living in a ghetto befriends an extremely old German guy living by himself in a big spooky house surrounded by an electrified fence. In the house is a locked door with the metal letters K.K. nailed to it, and the doorknob always has an icicle hanging from it. That may seem like an especially odd detail, but trust me, it works into the plot eventually.
The old guy turns out to be a mad Nazi scientist doing experiments in longevity, and he’s about a hundred and twenty years old. He has a lock of Hitler’s hair in a little jar, and he keeps trying to clone it into a full-grown Adolf, but the hair-guck that Hitler used had corrupted the DNA. So he tricks the voodoo queen into turning the hair into the person it used to be, telling her that it was a precious lock from his dear departed wife. The voodoo queen takes pity, whips out her big book of spells and works some magic on that evil snip of hair.
So, Adolf Hitler is born again, and not just as a baby – he’s all grown up, mustache and all, and speaking English with a thick German accent, so I guess the voodoo queen must have thrown in a linguistic spell. From this point on, the movie just gets more and more ridiculous. Eventually Hitler becomes a rapper, Big H, who sets his rants to a hip-hop beat. Did Hitler have any sort of musical talent? I guess the voodoo queen threw in a music spell, too. Big H makes everybody in the hood think he’s their friend, but needless to say, that’s all one big lie. He steals the voodoo queen’s book of spells and raises all his old Nazi buddies from Hell, and soon they’re goose-stepping through the streets, up to all their old nastiness again.
— Excerpt from the story, “Minty Belasco’s Top Ten Most Hideous And/Or Splendid Movies Of All Time (Translated From The Original Croatian),” in BEACH BLANKET ZOMBIE, available as a paperback or on Kindle. Here’s the Amazon.com Kindle link:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0091X6XTO
It’s also available on Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Beach-Blanket-Zombie-Humanoid-ebook/dp/B0091X6XTO
